Tuesday, November 17, 2009

turn and face the strange

Sometimes I think I'm walking around, living my normal life, but I find myself catching my breath as if I'd just been punched in the stomach. That's how I've felt these past couple weeks, doing the same whirl of parties and classes and work and adventures and, all the while, grinding my teeth and waking up with crashing headaches.

Geni's teacher at school does not seem to get her, does not seem to want her and, in fact, may actively dislike her. It's a shock when, the last two years, her teachers loved her deeply and she them, but I try to remember how very few teachers understood or even noticed me. It was part of my mission as a teacher, to look the traditionally overlooked students in the eye, to get to know them so I could recommend a book at the library to them or remember their birthdays.

Geni's just four, after all, this is preschool, it should all be games and songs and happiness. And the funny thing is I think it is, a lot of the time, happy days at school for Geni. Just not for her teacher. Geni has speech delays and motor skill delays. She's also mischievous, this I know. But can't her teacher see all the love she has, and the joy and the creativity? It sucks the air out of me to think about this.

I tell myself it is better to know the situation and move forward, so I am. I've found a lovely school for Geni and am hoping Geni and her teachers will find common ground.

I'm too tangled in emotions to dwell on this now but, someday, I'll write about this with some order and some insight, and hopefully I will sound wise instead of lost.

It's times like these where a sister could come in handy, to remind me not to sit in my soup and moan about it, to remember that it is Geni's perspective, not mine, that truly, deeply matters in situations like this.

2 comments:

The Buzz said...

Serena,

My heart goes out to you. As the mother of a child with gross motor and speech delays, who recently was diagnosed as having a learning disability I feel both your pain and your strength as mom to Geni.

She is very lucky to have you! Here in the states, I grapple with a teacher who wants to help my child and a system that gives little support in doing so.

Your sister in motherhood,
Brandy

Serena said...

Brandy, your words mean so much to me right now. You said exactly what I needed to hear. Someday I will write you and ask you about your experiences and any advice you can share on navigating this less-traveled path. I wish you luck through all of this, but also know how lucky we already are to have our beautiful and wise daughters.
xoxo Serena